Baz: They want us to do what? Have you seen the Town Hall? It looks like Trumpton!
Chaz: Does that make me Chippy Minton?
Daz: Nah mate. Windy Miller more like!
Gaz: 'Nuff of that. Paras kick off in five. Get year gear Cuthbert, Dibble and Grub. Choppers are inbound.....
OC: Dan, Sitrep!
CO Wessex Rangers: Sir. 'A' Coy have relieved the Paras at the Priory. Pretty much stitched up there. We're trading shots and keeping the 'Leeks' occupied. 'C' Company have established a base of fire in the cemetery and 8 Platoon have cut the Hereford Road. Lot's of open ground to their front but overlooked and dangerously exposed. The Cattle Market is to their left. Plenty of 'Leek' activity is reported there.
'B' are extending cautiously to the right. A pair of GPMGs have both sides of the Monmouth Road covered. They're making slow progress through the gardens.
OC: Hugh?
CO 5 Para: Barry and 'A' have gone firm at the hospital. Stretched thin though. 'B' & 'C' are reorganising. The Recce platoon are in Lannies. Manning is pretty gung ho! So are his men......
OC: Recommendation?
CO 5 Para: Still have those Hereford bods? What say we load them up with Gimpys and drop them on the roof of the Town Hall? My boys will motor up the road behind a Scimitar and get the keys to the city. How do you fancy becoming Mayor, Sir?
OC: Hmm. Speed and aggression at this point could unhinge the defence. Gloves off gentlemen?
Sergeant: Sir, there's some American bint outside asking for an interview....
Welsh Voice1: Nawrte, beth sy'n bod yn y Llan?
Not very Welsh Voice: Speak english you sheepsa@@ger, I'm from bloody Newport
Nervous laughter
WV1: Ok, what's going on at the church? Meic?
WV2: We can hold another half hour we can, if the paras don't push, then we'll have a second line over the road. If they push now we're done. We need more men or a bloody diversion, see?
NVWV: We need less sodding paras, thats what we need, boyo
WV1: I know. Butch? Hows your lot?
Valleys accent: The Bargoed Volunteers are holding upper Monmouth road as far as corner - we lost the public toilets. We think, no, we know, the paras are forming up on the bus station.
NVWV: What about that alley parallel to the car park? It's heaving with smoke, we bumped a couple of paras silent like so they still think they got it.
WV1: MANDIAWL! Geth, take your boys and get down the alley, take the spare Bren and the rifle grenades. Get as close as you can and break em up then leg it. Huw, get your two snipers onto the roof of that antique shop - should see the paras from there, as many shots as you can to cover Geth and sod off quick mind when they spot you. Meic, get your boys to hold ; if it gets too tarty, blue flare and bugger off out of it. Huw - see a blue flare and you drop your 2"'s and into the Llan after 10 seconds. Should catch the paras. If you got your heavy stuff sorted nows the time to use it. Iawn? OK?
WV2: Ie
Valleys: Yes Boss. Understood.
NVWV: Yeah.
WV1: Yma o hyd!
All: YMA O HYD!!!!
The United Kingdom appears to be sliding closer to all out civil war as forces of the army backed provisional government and those supporting a FREE Wales clash at a historic border town on the England-Wales border.
We go over now to Madison Gardens who is on the scene covering the escalation in events and filed this report earlier today.
3...2....1....Thank you Bob. It's a sad day. Englishman fighting Englishman here in the frankly, picturesque market town of Abergavenny. Government troops have pushed into the centre of the town rounding up pockets of resistance from Welsh and socialist backed insurgents. The streets we saw had been turned into a warzone. A stark testimony to the ferocity of the fighting.
The government forces haven't had it their own way. An army source tells me that..... Oh wait! Wait!.... Here are more reinforcements moving into the city.....WHO ARE YOU? Can you tell CNN News WHAT UNIT ARE YOU WITH?
"F@<£;* @££ luv!"
"Wessex Rangers. Hard b'st'rds! Come to finish the job!"
Here is proof that this is no walkover. You can hear gunfire behind us now. An army source tells me that government paratroopers are on one side of St Mary's church and the rebel backed Free Welch Army are holding out from positions on the other side.
Whichever way this goes, and there can only be one ending, the once United Kingdom will be left with wounds that will take decades to heal. Back to the studio.
This week I have been watching old episodes of THE LAST TRAIN when I should have been painting. I missed this first time round so was chuffed to find it. A vision of post apocalypse as only the British seem to be able to do it. Nice and gritty.There are a load of other great programs on the aftermath channel including SURVIVORS for those who haven't seen it.
