The Pre-Match Prep Talk

"Good morning gentlemen. As you know, I have had to recover somewhat after my unscheduled visit to the other side of Offa's Dyke..."

Crowd: [LAUGHTER]

".....but as you will all agree, we have unfinished business over there. I therefore think it appropriate to give you an overview of current thinking on the Welsh rebel forces - for those of you who slept through Mr Keegan's lectures at Sandhurst, that is the first use of that phrase by an English General in some 600 years..."

Crowd: [LAUGHTER & BLEATING]

"Now, firstly, the deserters. And let's be clear gentlemen. Former members of Her Majesty's Armed Forces who have decided to stand against the government are deserters and as such subject to military law. We will give them no credence by calling them rebels. Is that understood?"

Crowd: [QUIET AFFIRMATION]

"Deserters from the various Welsh regiments who defected in the autumn have since then, been integrating with and training up the local TA cadres, who themselves have been enrolling local diehards. This gives them several battalion sized battlegroups with varying level of training, mechanisation and support."

Next...the Mobile Columns and the Marines. This is something of an unholy alliance and are frankly dangerous. The mobiles are the original Free Taffs who drive around in armed landrovers etc; the booties seem to see them as kindred unconventional spirits....."

Crowd: [CATCALLS]

".....but the Mobiles have been reinforced by the few special forces deserters and they and the booties have bought an edge to an otherwise dull spear.

Now. The Militia; these could be a joke, titles like "the rhondda boys" sound pretty amateur - but there is a complication. The Welsh Guards no longer exist as an effective formation, there are however some who were on leave, training etc etc. These have been acting as snipers, stay behind parties and generally running around being troubemakers. Some joined the Mobiles and a lot have been mentoring the Militia. Not a pretty thought.

Finally a few words on support, we believe the anti-government forces have no shortage of  Land Rovers, and they do have some CVRTs. They are known to have taken whatever AFVs were down at Castlemartin, including a troop of Abbots; and there are reports of a couple of scratch crews making a run for the border in stolen tanks. Armour is not therefore a concern. They have some helos but the Crabs in their usual slack way, don't know how many.

Two notes of caution. Their training includes a lot of tabbing so they can and will cover ground on foot. Second, their radio comms are in a fast gabble of idiomatic Welsh and elliptical English that we cannot break.

Finally. When we kick off and take the game to their try line, remember this. Experience to date, including my own little adventure, indicates that if you drop the leaders and any showy bastards, the rest will disperse.

Thank you"

Crowd: [ATTENTION then DISMISS]

"Hugh, before you dash, Llanover? I'd like your plan as soon as. Say before 18:00?"

Cheers
Maff