Tuesday, 6 July 2010

Emergency Stop at City Cars


Shots were fired and two arrests made when the newly formed Flying Squad intervened in an armed robbery in the Borough. Bystander Fred Barnes said "these three blokes hopped out of this Ford motor by Honest George's City Car Sales and walked up to his office and kicked in the door. One of them comes running out and gets into the motor - he had this crate of scotch in his arms but his mate was holding a chuffing great bank bag - stuffed it was. Anyway, there's this screaming of engines - like a Spitfire with overdrive, I was in the RAF in the War see, Malta an that - and up tears this Jag with blokes leaning out of the windows. The driver must have touched 50 in the last stretch down Station Road but he slammed the anchors on hard like - so he lost it and spun the Jag. Shame it hit the bollard, ruined the paintwork. One bloke leans out of the window and shouts "dont move - you're all effing nicked!" and from there it all got a bit tasty. Bullets all over the shop like Tobruk all over again - I was in the War you know."
Traffic Warden Eric Potts, 41, takes up the dramatic tale "Well, the villains, they opened fire on the Police Officers - the one in the car shot out of the window while his mate fired a shotgun at the driver of the Jaguar. The driver was hit but credit to the Flying Squad, they must have been shaken by the emergency stop but they all piled out. The lad holding the cash bag just legged it as far as The Winchester Club and tore off down the alley - I'd have chased him but I got this dodgy knee. Korea you know. So this copper with this awful loud, that punk music is nothing I tell you tie, he leans over the bonnet of the Jag and shouts "armed police, give up you tarts" and a second later he shoots the guy in the car. Then this huge ginger copper - he was the driver and his arm is bleeding, he drops the geezer with the sawed off. One shot. Right messy it was."

In a later statement Flying Squad DCI Jack Hacker said "On hearing of the raid on one of the Borough's most well known businessmen, we raced to the scene and intervened; the pond life I mean suspects opened fire and after a shouted warning we returned aimed fire at the armed scum, suspects, injuring two of them. The third ran off and evaded pursuit. DS Owens received a minor wound in the exchange of fire but was instrumental in nailing one of the lowlife gits, suspects. We expect early convictions. Job done. Mine's a pint."

Post Script

Douglas Dawson (24) was released without charge following what his solicitor termed "an intensive interogation by fascist goons".
William Brown (22) was convicted of armed robbery, wounding a police officer and damage to public property (viz a table and chair) and was sentenced to 15 years in custody.
The whereabouts of Stevie Watson and £500 taken from City Cars are unknown but the Police are following up leads and a raid is imminent.
Rick Spart, spokesman for Red Spike has been released on bail.

A crate of scotch has been donated to The East Whittington Police Benevolent Fund.


  1. Really looking forward to seeing how this develops. :)

  2. Ah, those were the days. When police chased villiens.