Friday, 11 May 2012

A wombat IS a man's best friend

"Hello again, I'm Madison Gardens for CNN in the battlefield that is Abergavenn,y. Two hours ago I was with some English soldiers when they were attacked by Welsh rebel fighters. Since then we have managed to get over to the Welsh side of the fighting where I am now talking to Mr Staff Sergeant "Butch" Wilkins of the Independant Welsh Free Rebel Welsh Army - a big man with a bigger moustache.....Mr Wilkins....Sergeant, Staff...."

"Butch...."

"Butch. What's it like to be a rebel?"

"I don't know Madison, I'm what I always have been - a Welsh Soldier."

"Oh. Yes, of course. Um. You're in a shattered town and you're outnumbered - you're losing - you must be worried?"

"Losing - you ask the Para's and the Rangers. We've given them a right beasting. Worried? No - hold on - RHYS! FACE YOUR ARC YOU DULL C...sorry - where were we?"

English voice on megaphone - "This is 5 Para, Taffy. It's all over, give up now and we'll let a few sheep in your cells for old times sake. baaaaaah. baaaaah".

"Oh My - the English have told the Welsh to surrender. Is it all over? Why are they bleating like sheep? Is it a battle cry? Butch is going to shout back I think...."

"F%&K OFF YOU ENGLISH BAS%$RD!" sounds of shooting.

"And now firing has started again, the English are dashing from door to door firing quick, the Welsh are firing single shots at them, I think they are low on bullets...."

"TAKE COVER MISS GARDENS, NOW!!"

BOOOOOOOOOOOOM

"Eeeeek. Ok. From over the sandbags I can see vehicles - land rovers with men with machine guns on the back coming around the corner....oooh....there's a molotov cocktail......you want me to pass the magazine along to Butch...?.....Butch has fired a flare - I think it's how they call down their mortars - they dont have radios.....and OH MY GOD. There's a TANK at the bottom of the hill...OH. MY GOD....."

"Enemy armour in sight. Dai, Gags - keep the gympys on the lannies. Stench, nail that scimitar - BRING UP THE WOMBAT!"


Free Taff Wombat & crew somewhere in Wales 1979. Effective and mobile.

 
Australian Volunteer, Barry Zoo, 1979. Has a nasty bite.

"There's fighting all around me. I can hear the sound of helicopters......THERE they are....you getting this Troy? Hovering now above the roof of the Town Hall. I see figures jumping? THERE ARE MEN ON THE ROOF..........!"


Cheers
Maff


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4 comments:

  1. Jodrell11 May 2012 at 09:42

    This is great, but there's an anachronism, since CNN wasn't established until 1980. If you want to be accurate, you should use a terrestrial channel like CBS, ABC or NBC.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous11 May 2012 at 12:46

    Hi Jodrell, thanks, and thanks for the heads up. CNN was chosen as in our timeline CNN began broadcasting in June 1980, well within the Winter of '79 historical bubble.

    In the Winter of '79 timeline CNN launched a few months early to cover the new English Civil War. Star reporter Madison Gardens (later, Madison Squire-Gardens) is the Lara Logan of 1979, the international face of this new major news network.

    Cheers
    Mark

    ReplyDelete
  3. Lead Legion11 May 2012 at 19:56

    Lovely patter.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Jodrell12 May 2012 at 00:29

    Ah. That makes complete sense!

    ReplyDelete

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